The TIM SCAM Owner's Guide for Use and Maintenance
by creeden
Summary: So you've purchased a TIM SCAM. WTF were you thinking? Before you open the box, read the attached manual to prevent any mishaps, malfunctions, damages, or deaths.


**The TIM SCAM Owner's Guide for Use and Maintenance**

You have just purchased a Limited-Edition TIM SCAM unit. For your safety, do NOT purchase with other trademark SPY units.

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**Product Information:**

Name: Timothy Scam

Date of Manufacture: about 30-35 years ago

Place of Manufacture: United States

Original Concept Design: France

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**Your SCAM unit should come with the following:**

One (1) black suit and tie

One (1) badass longcoat

One (1) expensive sportscar, equipped with explosives

One (1) extensive criminal record

One (1) custom-built laptop

Additional accessories may be purchased separately:

_SCAMLAR unit_

_Prison uniform_

_EvapoBlaster_

_Mind Control gear, cleverly disguised_

**.**

**For optimal results, follow these simple instructions:**

**(1) Read the manual thoroughly before doing anything, stupid.**

**(2) Do not treat your unit like a pet/child/toy. Doing so will reduce your life span significantly.**

**.**

**SETTINGS:**

_Your SCAM unit comes with the following built-in modes._

**Sleep:** All SCAM units are set to this mode before packaging to ensure a safe arrival to your home. They should NOT be awake.

**WARNING: **If you hear movement within the box, then your unit is NOT in Sleep mode—call the Toll Free number immediately for emergency assistance. Do not attempt to remove SCAM unit from the box, as it is either defective or has evolved somehow to override the Sleep mode. Both situations are considered highly dangerous and you should not be left alone with it.

**Regulate Sleep Mode:**

Your SCAM unit requires 6-8 hours of rest a day. Before you deactivate Sleep mode, we recommend you program an automatic time you want your SCAM unit to sleep, preferably around the same time you go to bed. Doing so will extend the life of your unit, and also your life as well. You do not want to worry about what your SCAM unit is doing around the house while you're asleep.

After you have programmed your SCAM unit, locate the switch between the shoulder blades and switch Sleep mode to OFF. This will wake your unit. Make sure you show him your receipt and some I.D. so he can acknowledge who you are and accept you as his owner. He may ask to see a credible bank statement so that he knows you can take care of him monetarily (Note: Such precautions are not necessary with other **Marathon, Inc.** units).

**WARNING: **Once he is awake, DO NOT TOUCH SCAM unit. All forms of physical contact and affection will be met with hostility. Your SCAM unit is still new and needs time to get to know you before you go all huggy-feely on him. If you are male, any physical contact will be seen as aggressive and will be dealt with violently. Get to know your SCAM unit over a period of time and he will most likely warm up to you. Do not touch without permission. However, once Sleep mode is reactivated you may pick him up and place him wherever you'd like. Our company is not responsible for any injuries or deaths if these instructions are ignored.

**Scientist:**  
Recommended setting for SCAM unit. Your unit has extensive knowledge of several fields in Math, Science, and Engineering. Your unit can help you with your homework, but it works best while your unit is brand new. As time goes by your unit will focus more on his own projects and will be less inclined to help you with yours. Do not be offended; this is how the SCAM unit was made. Your SCAM unit will spend a lot of time building and perfecting weapons. Leave him alone while he works. If you would like him to build a device to help you take over the world do not expect much, as he hates being used as a tool. Find a way to involve him in your world conquest and he will be more receptive.

**Spy:****  
**SCAM unit will switch to this mode whenever undercover work is needed. He will only respond to MAC SMIT or another alternative codename you give to him. If you have established trust with your unit, he will gladly help you with your missions as long as they're not stupid and a waste of his time. This mode activates the Stealth program (see **PROGRAMS** section for details). If your SCAM unit is somehow imprisoned, he will use this mode to escape. If _you_ are somehow imprisoned, you can contact your SCAM unit via remote control to break you out without detection. If you have developed a bad relationship with your SCAM unit, expect him to leave your ass to rot in jail.

**Villain (locked):****  
**For user safety, this setting can only be unlocked by executing certain programs OR by being exposed to SPY units, especially the JERRY unit. To enjoy the full use of your SCAM unit, this mode should never be activated, as it may never return fully to the other modes. Also, he might blow up your house just for the hell of it.

**UPGRADES:**

_The following upgrades may be purchased for an additional fee._

**Kick-ass Martial Artist**:  
Can be used simultaneously with all other modes. Works well with **Spy** and **Villain** modes. SCAM unit will have access to the following programs: **Dragon Kung Fu **and **Street Fighter**.

**Boyfriend:**  
This setting is best purchased while your unit is still new. Your SCAM unit can run the **Romantic** program at will. If you are a fangirl, buy it, like, right now. You won't be disappointed. The only drawback is that it costs about as much as a brand-new Mercedes.

**.**

**FUNCTIONS:**

_These functions are the primary makeup of your SCAM unit's core._

Dark Humor

Intelligent

Manipulative

Sadistic (dormant until **Villain** mode is unlocked)

Sarcastic

Suave

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**PROGRAMS:**

**Normal (default):  
**This basic program runs the majority of the time your SCAM unit is awake, but only if your unit is set to **Scientist** or **Spy** modes. You can expect meaningful conversation, advice, homework help, and irritation if you prove to be unintelligent and immature.

**Stealth:  
**Due to his former employment with WOOHP, SCAM has the knowledge and skills of a high-level spy. If you play your cards right he will use his skills to help you. Useful for breaking in and out of locked places, hacking computer files without leaving a trace, and gathering loads of top-secret information.

**Revenge:  
**Main program used during **Villain** mode and is usually triggered by a JERRY unit. This is SCAM's primary motivation for attacking WOOHP and its employees.

**Betrayal:  
**Do not lie to your SCAM unit. He comes with a built-in lie detector and when he senses you are lying to him, this program will run automatically and he will betray you. Eventually the program will switch to **Revenge** and activate the **Villain** mode. There is nothing left for you to do but to dig your own grave, because you'll be lying in it within a week. Do not manipulate your SCAM unit to do things for you. This will also activate **Betrayal** mode. Instead, ask nicely and let him decide whether or not he should help you.

**Romantic (encrypted):**Rarely activated.

**WARNING: **Do not attempt to decrypt this program. Amateur attempts will result in permanent, irreversible damage to your SCAM unit and/or permanent damage to your fingers, courtesy of your SCAM unit. Tampering with this program is not covered under the warranty. Do not call us asking for help if you choose to screw it up anyway.

**WARNING: **Do not attempt to activate this program by using a SPY unit. Doing so will only end badly—most likely the destruction of your bedroom. It will also initiate the **Betrayal** program and your SCAM unit will never trust you again.

However, if you are dead set on turning this shit on, give your unit to an expert programmer (fanfic author), who may be able to alter the SCAM unit with minimal damage to his psyche. If you cannot afford to hire a programmer, you must unlock this program the old-fashioned way. This User manual will not disclose further details on the subject as this is not a "How-to Hook Up with your Unit" Guide.

**Evil:  
**Main program used in **Villain** mode. Your SCAM unit may leave you to conquer the world, or he may terminate you. It depends on how long this program has been running and if he actually likes you as an owner.

**Out of Character (encrypted):  
**This program exists as a fail-safe to prevent total destruction of your SCAM unit, mainly if you decide to tamper with his programming and you totally wreck it. If the **Romantic** program is altered incorrectly, your SCAM unit will run this program to keep himself alive. However, your SCAM unit may exhibit odd or uncharacteristic behavior. We do not accept returns if this program is activated—it is defective and we do not want it back.

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**RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER UNITS:**

The following units may provoke a change in your SCAM unit's behavior. Use with caution:

JERRY: This unit has a bad habit of inadvertently turning other units into VILLAINS, namely your SCAM unit and the TERRENCE unit. TERRENCE has confessed that he was betrayed by JERRY during their childhood and refuses to move past it (although that is his problem, not JERRY's).

SCAM has yet to disclose the entire reason for his switching sides, but perhaps with some counseling he may open up to you. If your SCAM unit has incapacitated JERRY and sent him to outer space in a shuttle, then he is in **Villain** mode. Contact with the JERRY unit should be avoided.

**SPY units:**

Interaction with all SPY units is not recommended, as it will result in property damage, injury and/or death of a unit, or yourself, if you are caught in the crossfire.

The SCAM unit will try to kill the CLOVER, SAMANTHA and ALEX units. Reports are still coming in of all the creative ways SCAM units have tried to eliminate SPY units. These three are the most common: kidnapping and launching them into space; attacking them with metal-morphing SCAMLAR units; and brainwashing their MOTHER units to kill them. Contact with all SPY units should be avoided.

**L.A.M.O.S. units:**

Your SCAM unit is most compatible with these units. By _compatible_, we mean he will work together with them for a limited period of time. Be warned that your SCAM unit will not hesitate to betray them in order to preserve himself. Your SCAM unit will mock them on a consistent basis. This behavior is considered normal.

TERRENCE: This unit will attempt to recruit SCAM. If SCAM joins the L.A.M.O.S. team, expect him to be gone for months at a time. Do not worry. He is most likely plotting the SPY units' demise in an underwater lair. He will not appreciate your trying to retrieve him.

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**Maintenance:**

Weight training, cardio, and a gym membership will keep your SCAM unit in excellent physical condition.

For mental health, respect your SCAM unit's need for quiet and solitude while working on his latest research project or WOOHP takeover plans. Wait until he acknowledges you before telling him all about your day. He will notice the effort and appreciate your consideration.

**Cleaning:**

SCAM unit will do this himself and will resent any attempt on your part to assist. However, being the egotistical bastard that he is, he does not mind if you watch.

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Your SCAM unit is built to last a lifetime. Be prepared to explore a new meaning of the word 'fun' as you embark on exploits and possibly illegal activity without getting caught. Treat your SCAM unit with the respect and deference he deserves and he will remain loyal to you. Enjoy that while it lasts.

**FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions):**

**Q:** I love my SCAM unit! Can I buy another one?

**A: **No. Due to the high demand and low supply, we limit one (1) per household. Bribes are not accepted.

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**Q:** I know you said not to, but I tried to set up my SCAM unit on a date with my friend's SAMANTHA unit. They almost killed each other. How do I get them to stop doing that?

**A:** Was the SAMANTHA unit dressed in spy gear? If yes, that may have triggered your unit's **Villain** mode.

Was the SAMANTHA unit dressed in casual, but fashionable clothing? If yes, that may have triggered your unit's **Villain** mode.

As long as the SAMANTHA unit is a WOOHP SPY, the two units will not get along. They are programmed that way. But if you're really determined and insanely wealthy, buy the **Boyfriend** upgrade; it overrides all the counteractive programs without a glitch.

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_A/N: I thought this was an interesting way to do a character bio. Tried to remain true to the show and the way he was written by the creators. If I missed anything, let me know._

_**EDIT: Fixed/added some things.**_


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